Bat Egg Hunt
by Germany11
Summary: Joker has a fun new game planned out for Batman to get his attention. He wants Batman to go on a Easter egg hunt. *One Shot, *Batman/Joker


Batman stood stock-still in disbelief. There was just no possible way that he could rationalize the current situation. Of course, rationalizing madness was more counterproductive an endeavor he had come to learn, especially when it came down to a certain Gotham inhabitant he had spent a good number of years dealing with. Processing the absurd nature of this new routine he hadn't expected. His hands clenched in fists in aggravation of what was now being expected of him by the clown. It was just downright ridiculous! Hostage situations were a routine Batman was used to. It had become a formula of how to handle those situations in his line of work. Sneak in stealthily, take down all possible assailants as swift as possible and save whoever was in danger. Easy. Sometimes there was more risks than other times, but in the end he usually got the job done with no casualties to the innocent lives in dangers. It was a normal routine he had done countless times. When it came down to the Joker, none of this would ever be simple.

It wasn't everyday people who were the hostages this time around. It was just one person – his partner – a child who helped him clean up the streets of Gotham. It was his adopted son and one Batman had sworn to protect at all cost. Dick hadn't been missing very long when he went out on his own as Robin one night. Even still it sent Batman into a rage to track his son down. If criminals feared the Bat of Gotham before, then after Robin disappeared they were downright petrified. Broken bones and harsh interrogations night after night finally gave the Dark Knight the answers he were seeking. A location and a name of the murderous clown that gave him more cause to be concerned.

Here he now stood, in an abandoned warehouse in the Narrows, in a state of incredulity. Being given a task that was unfitting of the Bat that haunted the criminal underworld. Only a mind as deranged as the Joker could come up with something as outlandish as this. Robin wasn't here and that was the only reason Batman would even agree to such odd terms to begin with. The instructions were simple. Not really much of a challenge at all for the Bat of Gotham. It was more of a mockery of his endeavor that would have him rolling his eyes if Robin wasn't in danger. A bitter part of him wanted to scoff at the whole charade Joker was up to.

On a crate in front of him was an Easter basket with purple and green colored hay inside, Batman's yellow and black Bat symbol painted on the front, as well as some Joker playing cards already decorated inside the basket. Inspecting the basket had found that there was no trap that he would be expecting Joker to pull on him. It just a plain basket that had Batman puzzled as what the madman was planning. It didn't take long for an intercom to come on and for him to get his answer.

"Hey, Batsy! I've been expecting you!" Joker announced on the intercom, cheerfulness seeping with each word.

Batman looked around the warehouse and saw the cameras that Joker had placed in preparation for his arrival. Of course this wouldn't be as simple as he would have preferred. Nothing with the clown ever was.

"No, point in speaking Bats, I wouldn't even be able to hear you if you did," Joker's voice continued and Batman could easily picture the clown waving a dismissive hand and muttering to himself of how Batman rarely spoke to him anyways. "Anyways, I'm sure you're wondering where your little birdy has flown off to. Dontcha worry. I made sure he wouldn't fly from the nest too far. You should probably clip his wings, don't want him flying off again after all _hehe_." Joker lost himself to a laughing fit and Bruce growled in irritation.

"Here's the deal. I'm sure by now you noticed the little gift I left for you and are wondering what exactly you are supposed to do, so I'll let you know the rules of our little game for the evening. I can see you're simply radiating with excitement," he spoke sarcastically and Batman couldn't help but roll his eyes this time. "The rules are simple, all you have to do is pick up that basket and hidden around the room there will be twelve eggs that I have personally decorated for you to find. Once you have collected all of them, I'll tell you the address of where you can find the bird boy."

It was silent for a moment allowing Batman to process the information he had just been told. This was a simple game that Batman knew there would be a catch as there was just no way the Joker would go to all this trouble for such a mediocre task for Batman to do. He knew Joker was only being silent now to play up the suspense like the showman that he was. He wasn't disappointed when the intercom came back on and laughter was heard.

"Oh I almost forgot to mention, you only have five minutes to find all the eggs and put them in the basket. If you don't each one of those tiny eggs will explode leaving a poor little birdy with only uncle J to watch over him. Have fun, Batsy!"

The intercom clicked off for a final time. He knew that's when the timer had started. Frowning, Batman grudgingly picked up the Easter basket knowing full well Joker would be watching and most likely laughing at the sheer ridiculous sight of Gotham's protector going on an Easter egg hunt, all until every eggs was found. If the situation wasn't as dire as it was Batman, may have laughed the absurd image right along with him. Now wasn't the time.

Scanning the room that was as bare as he wished in this situation would be he quickly went to the crates in the corner of the room. No eggs were visible so he started moving each one away from each other in his search. Easter egg hunts may have been a fun pastime for many children, even Bruce as a child had partaken on the slight occasion, but of course Joker would turn such a kindhearted endeavor and twist it to something much more deadly. That's just what the clown did. Not seeing any eggs by the crates Batman almost gave up in searching this location until he spotted one of crate's lids slightly cracked open. Forcing the lid fully off took a little effort and sitting inside he wasn't dissatisfied. Picking up the painted covered egg he felt even more ridiculous. Joker had painted it to look like Batman. Annoyed he put the egg in the basket and moved on knowing Joker wouldn't keep eggs close together.

The next egg he found was in the cushions of a couch in the corner of the room. This one had a green J on it as the rest of the egg was painted purple. Egg two and three were surprisingly in the same spot in a broken down desk that was in the other side of the room. One of them was painted red with Robin's symbol which only fueled Batman's search even harder. If he were dealing with any other criminal in Gotham he wouldn't have wasted his time in such an endeavor and would have found another way to get to his partner. That was just not an option and with each egg he found he felt more pressure on him to continue.

It didn't take long for Batman to have seven eggs in the basket. Each one painted with symbols of people he had encountered in his crime fighting career. One had a green question mark, another had glasses and a mustache painted on which he knew meant Gordon. A cracked one had a cat on it which Batman got the all-not-too-subtle meaning behind that. Joker never had a fondness for Catwoman. The egg with Harley's black and red diamond pattern also was cracked which was just a cruel stab at Joker's treatment of her. Each egg was meant to be a joke in their own way. A small mockery for what Batman's life was. The criminals he fought for reason that Joker just thought was hilarious. The people who Batman cared about that Joker didn't find much meaning for. Batman understood that plain and clear.

He moved on, searching another room of the warehouse when he couldn't find anymore. The room must have been a small office at some point. Moving a black leather chair he found another egg sitting on a whooping cushion. One was in a vase that Joker had spray painted "HA HA" on in red letters. That egg also had painted on "HA HA" all around it in small letters and Batman was sure Joker was having the time of his life with this. A task that was nearing Batman's line of patience for this endeavor.

Batman had to eventually go up to the rafters of the warehouse as he couldn't find any more eggs on the ground floor. He held onto the basket tightly as he grapnelled up to save time. It wasn't the best feeling that he had to protect something as odd as a basket. One egg was up there in plain sight surrounded by dead rose pedals the egg had purple colored hearts and tiny bats drawn on it which was another not-so-subtle meaning for Batman. It was like a tiny love letter to Batman from the Joker. His way of showing how the Dark Knight mattered most of all to the Clown Prince of Crime. When he found that one the intercom came on again.

"Aww! You found my favorite!" Joker chimed in as he purred and Bruce gripped the handle of the basket tightly. "You only have two minutes left darling Bat. Tick tock." Joker mocked before the intercom went off again. Batman glared into the camera where he knew Joker would see.

There were only two more eggs left and not much time. Batman's calm collected mind was starting to race frantically as he searched. He had to have missed something as there was only one egg on the rafters. Batman had searched the ground level and all the rooms of the warehouse. There wasn't enough time to do a double take as the clock was ticking down by the second. It occurred to him, as he looked into the basket containing the eggs he had collected, if this small game would be what did him in. If, after years of fighting crime to make Gotham a safer place, to uphold a promise he made to his deceased parents, would all end here. The Bat that had instilled fear in the minds of criminals would meet his demise all over a simple Easter egg hunt. Batman knew he had enough time to just leave the basket here and get out with his life, but the consequences his partner and son would face if he did so were just not worth it. Bruce promised to always protect him even if it would cost his own life. The orphan child who witnessed his parents' murder as Bruce had so many years prior. No. He had to keep searching. But the question was where.

"Thirty seconds till game over, Batsy." Joker spoke up again, his voice amused and in that moment Batman realized the one place he hadn't searched was the roof. It made sense that not all the eggs would be inside of the warehouse. That just would have been way too simple of a task for Batman to handle and Joker knew it. How he had not expected Joker to actually think of something like that was naive. Of course he would have. Where would be the fun for the madman if he did otherwise? All of this was a game between them. Joker wouldn't allow Batman such an easy win. They never played fair. Each willing to go to extremes to win whenever they danced. It's how it always was and how it would always be.

Batman looked up at the ceiling and spotted a glass window, removing an explosive batarang from his utility belt, he aimed it up and threw. He covered himself with his cape as the batarang met its intended target and exploded. Glass shattered and fell to the ground below as Batman's suit protected him. He could still feel the rafter shake with the explosion. Not wanting to waste time he pulled out his grappling hook next and fired. As he hit the button to retract the wire and pull him up, all he could think about is hoping he wasn't wrong in his assertion of where the last two remaining eggs were. There was no room for error. No second chances if he was wrong. Not enough time to search anywhere else and win the game. Everything that happened tonight rested on him being right. As asinine as the game Joker set up was, the consequences of failure would be life or death right now.

As Batman pulled himself up onto the roof, his blue eyes scanned the rooftop frantically. Only taking a second, he noticed in the middle of the roof was a shrine. The contents of the shrine didn't matter to him in the moment as his gaze landed on the last two eggs needed to win. His eyes zeroed in on them and nothing else was visible. With haste he got to his feet, gripping the basket he ran as carefully as he could. Counting the last remaining ten seconds in his head, Batman wasn't that far away, but each step made his feet feel like lead. Time was running out and he had no choice but to move faster. Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, his hands grabbed the eggs not even looking at what had been drawn on them as he put them in the basket. Two, one, zero, holding his breath expecting explosions that luckily never came he waited with no doubt in his mind that if Joker wanted to, he could still detonate the explosives in the eggs at any moment. Batman wouldn't put it past him to do so. Nothing happened and after a minute or so he allowed himself to relax. His attention brought back to the shrine set up for him.

The table had somewhat blurry pictures of Batman set up on display. Pictures that he had no knowledge were ever taken. It was a fact that irked him. How Joker had taken pictures of him against his knowledge wasn't a comforting thought to swallow. Also on the table were many tiny black colored stuffed bunnies with their eyes just X shaped threads of purple and green string. Chocolate bunnies with the heads pulled off lying next to their bodies. All the shrine meant to be was a sick joke of a family fun holiday. Joker may have found it amusing. Batman didn't. There was no humor to be found when he still needed to find Robin and make sure he was safe. A two-way radio also on the table that had static coming from it took his attention away from the disturbing little shrine.

"Oh Goodie. I see you aren't a cooked Bat after all. _Hehe_ " Joker's voice broke through the static.

Grabbing the walkie-talkie, holding down the button to respond and completely done with the games the clown had, Batman responded.

"Enough games, Joker. Tell me where Robin is." He growled the command.

The response of laughter from Joker's own two-way radio made the static even worse and Batman almost missed the next audible words from the madman.

"Bats, really don't get your tights in a bunch," Joker's voice was full on condescending. "What type of friend would I be if I didn't keep my word?" That statement was unbelievable as Joker had many times in the past went completely against what he had said he would do. Joker was a living contradiction and took much satisfaction in the fact. Before, Batman could respond and tell him to get on with it, the clown continued. "Behind one of the picture frames inside is the location where you'll find your pet bird. Be careful though, Bat, if you open the wrong one it won't matter if you found all my eggs for they will still explode. Hope to see you soon. If you choose right and live that is."

Batman looked at the basket and realized the flaw in Joker's plan was almost too simple to overlook. It was another to simple scenario and all he had to do was move the basket or just take the picture frames and check them from another location. It was a loophole that again didn't surprise him when he heard the static indicate Joker was using the walkie-talkie again.

"Hehe, silly me, I just keep forgetting, if you don't play fair Bat, then bird brain will suffer the consequences. Have to keep things interesting. It's no fun otherwise and you wouldn't want that would you? No, I don't think you would. See Batsy I'm always looking out for my best friend."

Ignoring the laughing maniac, Batman tapped a button on his gauntlet that allowed his cowl to scan for any explosives. Neither of them played fair and even Joker understood that. He may have been playing by the clowns rules up to this point, but it didn't mean that he didn't have an ace up his sleeve himself. Not like Joker would ever disapprove. As long as their dance continued as Joker always planned then whatever Batman did to win that still fell into the clowns guidelines would be acceptable. Shaking his head though when the scanners picked up no such explosives existed realizing that Joker just wanted to waste more of Batman's time tonight with this last challenge. Curiously, he scanned the eggs and found out they were positive for explosives. That made at least some of his work tonight not be for naught. Picking up the picture frames he opened each one ripping the pictures of himself into pieces in the process, he found a piece of paper with an address scribbled down. At least Joker kept his word, now it was time to save Robin and return Joker to Arkham where he belonged.

The address had taken Batman to a rundown house not too far off from the warehouse. It dawned on him that it was somewhat comforting that no one was living in the house that Joker could have killed. Small silver linings that he had to take into account from time to time. Parking the Bat-mobile, he hopped out and looked around for any more traps Joker might have set. There were no henchmen outside so Batman approached the house less on guard. Joker seemed to just want things to be just between them which he was fine with. That made things easier in the long run. Not having to worry about panicked henchmen with happy trigger fingers made for a better night. Batman scanned the door just in safe measure but was met with nothing to concern himself with. Opening the door quietly he stepped inside. The room surprisingly had light on which he had not been expecting. Joker must have made sure to have some power in the house before setting this whole game up. It prevented Batman from hiding in the shadows. At this point in the game it wouldn't have mattered as Joker knew he would be on his way.

"Joker!" Batman called out, announcing his arrival, pulling out a batarang just for safe measure.

"Darling, is that you?" Joker cooed from the living room off to the side.

Batman turned the corner aiming the batarang and stopped with the sight that awaited him. Joker was laying on a torn stained couch in his purple suit, he legs propped up on the arm rest and his hands behind his head grinning at Batman. That wasn't the sight that stopped him however. For on the clowns head was a white bunny ear headband that just made him look so ridiculous that it left Batman feeling a little flabbergasted. Joker must have enjoyed the image of his momentarily stunned silence that he let out a delighted laugh. The sound of familiar laughter brought Batman back to his senses. Blinking, he shook his head before blue eyes narrowed down on acidic green.

"Where is he?!" He growled out, preparing his mind for a battle he was sure would happen at any moment. It was usually useless to give commands to the clown as he'd laugh them off every time but Batman had been put through too much absurdity for one night. Even a infamous homicidal maniac wearing bunny ears wasn't going to deter him from his incensed mood.

Joker waved his hand nonchalant as he sat up from the couch. Stretching his skinny limbs in a laid back manner as if he couldn't be bothered by the Dark Knights mood in the slightest.

"Is that all I get after I set up a perfectly nice game for you? Really, Bats, I expected at least a thank you or a hello first, but all you think about is a little bird that isn't even worth your time."

"Joker, I'm warning you," Batman stepped forward threateningly as Joker just put his hands up and grinned. "If you have hurt him I'll-" Batman was cut off as Joker chuckled.

"Always so serious. Would it honestly kill you to lighten up just a bit? Oh, Hell, who I am kidding? Knowing you, you'd probably have an aneurysm if you ever did. All that stress isn't good for your health." Joker had enough foresight to duck out of the way as the batarang flew over his head. Sighing, he leaned back just in time for Batman to grab him buy his purple coat and pull him close. Their faces inches apart.

"Don't make me ask again." Blue eyes glared intensely into amused green. White gloves went over black ones and Joker smiled fondly at him.

"Alright, like I said he doesn't matter in the least. Your little Bird is in the basement. He wasn't important in this game, anyway. I just wanted to let you have some fun for the holiday and get your attention is all, Brucie." Joker nuzzled his forehead against Batman's cowl. Batman didn't stop him.

"Did you hurt him?" Being wisely untrusting however he had to ask.

"When are you going to be more trusting Bat! I already told you the brat means nothing to me," scoffed at him as he leaned back a little. His fingers tapping irritated on Batman's gloves. His green eyes were dangerous and Batman knew if he continued to question him on this matter things would only get worse between them. He had to take a leap of faith with the madman. "Only a certain flying rodent means anything to me at all." His voice that held venom earlier softened.

Batman could feel himself calming down knowing that Joker was telling the truth. Nothing in Gotham ever really mattered to the maniac as Batman did and for years Joker had been proving it. Even as their relationship still had turmoil and often led to violence against each other there was just one thing that had stayed constant. That was Joker's pure admiration for the Bat of Gotham. There wasn't a single instance where Joker didn't go out of his way to prove that to him. For Joker couldn't live in a world where Batman didn't exist. It wasn't in him to do so. Over time, Batman had learned to accept that. His own obsession with Joker leading him to know that without the clown to be a constant occurrence in his life that he wasn't sure he could function without the other. That the world just wouldn't seem right without their battles of wills. Different philosophies always raging war. Only they could understand each other when no one else could. It's just what their lives had become. Neither were willing to change that.

"There's other ways to get my attention, you know." Batman grumbled out shaking his head.

"You can always give me your number like I keep asking you to." Joker commented as he chuckled.

Rolling his eyes at the thought, he responded. "Not ever going to happen. If I did you would never give me a minute of peace." He countered with only made Joker grin widely.

"Come on, Brucie, you know you'd love hearing from me all the time. _Hehe!_ Besides, if you just gave me your number then I would have to traumatize that pet bird of yours. I can still clip his wings for you, all you would have to do is ask and I would gladly do it for you." Joker purred happily as if he was expecting Batman to say yes to such a cruel offer. That comment irritated Batman and he pushed him away roughly Joker barely caught his balance as he staggered backwards. Giving a small laugh at such a reaction. Only stopping when he saw that the whole mood between them was about to be ruined.

"Bat?" Joker spoke warily.

"I'll only tell you this once, Joker, Robin is off limits to you." He growled, ready to get Robin and leave. Joker saw this as Batman turned to head to the basement and grabbed his cape to stop him. When Batman turned to face him, Joker was frowning an expression he hardly ever shown.

"Whatever you say, Batsy. Whatever you say." They both knew that Joker wasn't only saying that to keep Batman here. The clown had gone to such extremes just for this night and it was clear by his expression he didn't want it all being ruined. It may have not been a sincere statement, but there was time for that latter. Joker put his hands on Batman's armored shoulders and leaned in, connecting their mouths in a desperate heated kiss.

It was wrong for Batman not to react and stop this assault on his mouth. Every moral code went strictly against ever kissing back a murderous psychopath as the Joker. Batman was a symbol. He was Gotham's protector. He shouldn't be wrapping his arms around the thin body clinging to him. There was nothing right with the way he opened his mouth to let the others tongue have entry. No, justice to be had for the lives this madman had taken just for Batman's sole attention when their tongues battled for dominance. Sounds that should be bones being broken in a fight for life or death but were instead soft moans for each other. Passion that should only be held for beliefs of right or wrong became passion for the bliss they could feel in the moment. As lips pulled away and blue and green collided staring each other which would be expected of hatred there was only fondness. Their relationship was complex in so many ways. What the outside world perceived of their roles held so much more than anyone could ever understand. For as much as they hated each other, as much as they fought each other, they both couldn't live without the other. It was ugly, it was beautiful and it was their bond. The most damaged souls that found each other in a city that brought out the best and worst of a person. As long as they had each other neither would ever feel truly lost or alone. Gotham demanded they hurt each other. Which they did. Joker and Batman had decided for themselves that they would also love each other. The dance would continue and they wouldn't have it any other way.

"You look even more ridiculous with those ears." Batman breathed out after their heated kiss as he held Joker more tightly to his chest.

"That reminds me." Joker spoke up.

"Hm?" Batman didn't really want to talk as he was enjoying this moment with the clown too much. It wouldn't last long as he'd have to help Dick and get him home where he belonged and still take Joker back to Arkham. Joker pulled away and smiled at him.

"Bat, do me a favor and take off your cowl." Joker sounded innocent which put Batman on guard.

He raised an eyebrow at such a request. Even if Joker already knew that he was Bruce Wayne, he never really wanted to see his face without the cowl. Always saying how Bruce was the mask and Batman was his real face. A request of this nature made him instantly suspicious. Joker was still insane and his mood could switch over any little thing. He knew that better than anyone in Gotham.

"Why?"

"Just humor me. I know you don't have a sense of humor but you can at least humor me once in a while." Joker tapped his foot and crossed his arms. His mood quickly going sour. Sighing, and not wanting to fight just yet, Batman took off his cowl becoming Bruce again. Holding his cowl under his arm.

"Happy?" He asked annoyed. His black hair was messy and he could feel his bangs sticking to his forehead from sweating in his Bat-suit. The cold air felt nice so he allowed the annoyance to sweep away. Blue eyes glanced at the Joker expectantly for information of why he was doing this. A smirk appeared on red lips and he was tempted to put on the cowl again.

"Close your eyes." Joker purred as he leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Bruce's lips.

"If you're planning on stabbing me, you might want to reconsider." Bruce half joked was half serious as he complied.

"Brucie, if I wanted to stab you, I'd do it from behind." Joker spoke nonchalantly and Bruce could hear his footsteps move away from him. It wasn't the most comforting comment to hear at the moment. Joker didn't take long to come back and next thing Bruce knew he felt something being placed on his head.

Bruce took the sound of Joker stepping back as his cue to open his eyes. The grin Joker had planted on his face was very untrustworthy. Feeling what Joker place on his head, he knew instantly what it was and the sheer bizarre events that had played out this night made him smile just a tiny fraction which only made Joker grin happily and spin around in his spot, clapping his hands and giving Bruce a dazzling charisma filled smile. The Easter egg hunt was one thing. It was a tedious task with a deathly risk involved. Bruce could rationalize that and chalk it up to Joker being Joker. It was just who he was. Even the shrine that was disturbing feel into a believable category for the maniac to do. Batman had been used to Joker's crazy antics. Never in his life however did he expect this. How plainly innocent it was. Absurd yes, a mockery of Batman in itself, absolutely. Perhaps a somewhat humorous image he must have looked like right now even he could admit. For what Joker, the worse threat of Gotham City, the maniac that struck terror in the hearts of innocents as Bruce had done so to criminals. That same man had just made the Dark Knight, the son of Gotham, the billionaire playboy have a bunny headband on his head. The same type that Joker himself was wearing.

"You're absolutely insane." Bruce just stood there shaking his head as Joker wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing him on the lips and grinned.

"I know. You wouldn't want me any other way."


End file.
